-----*bacc 2thee bay.

honestly, i should've left last night. but since it was suuch an exhausting day, all i wanted to do was sleep in 1last time. i'm leaving home tonight. bacc to northern california. i'm actually excited. it's been almost 2weeks. i'm trippin out that in the last month &a half i've spent 20days here! [i'm surprised i haven't been fired, lol.]

i cannot wait to go home & see my nephews. i miss my dukester. i miss armone & james. i miss my god-sisters, & my god-mother. i low-key kind of miss work. even though i hate that fuccing place. UGH. buuut. i was happy when kamani called me the other day. i thought it was shaunte. then i hear "titi. hi titi. wha yu doin titi." aw. my baaaaaaaaaby. i can't wait to go home & kiss my little ugly.

since i haven't blogged in a couple of days; here's an update.

sundaaay, i spent time with my family. we did the whole church thing. +the dinner thing. RED ROBiN. god, i love that place. & i continue to embarass myself. over, & over again. no details here.

mondaaay, i spent time with my sis CeCe. it was oh so nice to see her beautiiiiful face. it was kinda last minute, so things weren't how they normally are with us. [Ce2 &i have realized it's because we weren't stuffing our faces like we normally do.] We went on an adventure though. an adventure that DRAiNED ALL OF OUR ENERGY! 1st, we headed to The Shoppes. we both needed some leggings from forever21, & at 4.50$ each, c'mon maaan! Ce2 needed dark gray 1s, I needed long blacc 1s. SO. they had no gray 1s. we have them call Forever21 at Puente Hills. they say that they have 14boxes of leggings, they're bound to have gray 1s. we drive to Puente Hills. there are NO gray 1s. we go to charlotte rousse [that place succs, btw.] there are NO gray 1s. we hit up the asian stores, [Fashion P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, you know, those places LOL] & there are CHEAP gray1s. CeCe &i are tired, very very tired. now, this may sound simple, but this process took FOREVERRR! &i for 1, am very very upset that we didn't find the gray leggings.

mondaay night, my grandma's rosary.

tuesday, the funeral. followed by the reception at my nina's house in chino. it was so nice to spend time with aaaaall of my family. we're so mean. all of us. but i love it. nothing is safe. they'll get on you about ANYTHING. they talked about tasha's big feet. they talked about my gladiator shoes. "WE ARE SPARTAAA!" my lil' brother told my uncle danny that he has nothing important to say. all kinda shit. it was nice. (:

anyway, i lost my ATMcard. i was very upset about this. my sister later found my ATMcard in her purse. how this happened? i have no idea. but i wanted to kill her. isn't my hello kitty card pretty, btw? :)

anyway, i'm leaving tonight.

&i'm off to spend time with my sisters before i'm gone.

tata.

xxxxBDOT.

*// saying goodbye.

I'm Brandy. I had the distinct pleasure of being one Connie's many grandchildren. My grandmother's life consisted of many components, but none as important as her family. Consuelo Ochoa accomplished everything one could hope to accomplish in a lifetime. She was first a daughter, a sister, a wife, an aunt, a grandmother, a great-grandmother, and a friend. But above all, she was a mother. She was our mother. She spent her entire life taking care of others, making sure that they had everything they needed, and wanted. I never knew anyone that worked as hard as she did, in various activities. From vacuuming every hour, to making the worlds best tamales. Whenever she did something, it was to the best of her ability. She remains one of the most independent, strong, kind-hearted women I have EVER had the pleasure of knowing. Looking around this room I am filled with an overwhelming sense of emotion, knowing that she touched each & everyone of you in some way. I know that she's smiling now, looking down on all of her loved ones gathered together under one roof.

I'm barely old enough to remember my grandmother when she still had my grandfather. But in reminiscing, looking back on the way I witnessed her looking at old photos of the two of them, and the way that she spoke of him, it's evident that he was her soft point, her sweetheart, her love. I'm sure I speak for everyone else when I say that i'm so happy that she's reunited with him, and back in his arms.


There will never be a day where you don't cross our minds. Not a day will pass that we don't miss you. & as long as we live, we will NEVER stop loving you.

I love you Grandma. Goodbye.

*****

The previous, was my eulogy. It was supposed to follow the poem, A Mother's Walk. My Aunt Sally spoke before I did, & unsurprisingly, it was similiar to my eulogy. I didn't want to repeat her, so I just said the poem. After the funeral, many people said thank you to me. I didn't realize how many others felt the same way that I did. She really was a mother to all of us. I'm just happy that I got to say goodbye to her.

the "ashy m's."

pretty chill day, saturday. i must say! spent the whole day watching season7 of Friends with my lil' sis. we moved the couches together to form a kind-of humongous bed. i baked a chocolate cake, although i ran out of butter so it wasn't that good. LOL.

towards the middle of the evening i began dinner. now, my moms stove is ghetto. &only one burner works, so this normally simple process took longer than anticipated. i had to put the water on to boil for the mashed potatoes, & that in itself took 45minutes! then once the potatoes were done i started frying the oil and mixing the flour + seasonings for the fried chicken. i just popped the corn in the microwave LOL. oh, did i mention i ended up finding a whole BRAND NEW tub of butter in the fridge AFTER i'd already finished the cake??? >:o so anyways. i only made 8chicken breasts, thinking it would only be myself, my twin sisters, &the BESTie eating. low & behold, in walks Juliann, Gio, & Joshua. So now i have to feed 7people, with only 8small ass pieces of chicken. blaaaaahh. we made it work though.

tabi left to gio's house. brittany left to somewhere, idk. &i, waited on bestie.



. . . still waiting.


. . . still waiting.


. . . STILL waiting.


. . . . . . . . he arrives.


i hop in the car, &we shoot to the movie theatres. LATE of course. i lowkey think he did it on purpose, the unborn started after notorious. & wtf, why were there SWAT checking tickets to get into notorious?!?!?!??! i was like "wtfff, it's probably because they know ghetto ghetto & her two twins are tryna get in there." LOL.


so, we watch unborn. &the beginning, kinda made me nervous a lil' bit. but by the end, i was booooreeddddd. why does it seem like all scary movies are a repeat of eachother these days? anyway, there were these ridiculously obnoxious girls in the movie theatre & TJ kept tryin' to get me to checc them. LOL. all badd. but yeah. as we're walking in the parking lot, i look down, & theres a GLOVE on the floor!! now to anyone who has seen the unborn, you knooow what that means! the little psycho killer boy had his glove on the floor multiple times during the movie! LOLOLOL. we stop at 711 to picc up some juice, &the white cashier bangs on TJ. "no no, you cannot have your hood on in here." TJ, "wtf, is this neega serious?" ME, "so what, he probably thinks you're gonna rob the place. i wonder if i put my hood on would he think i'm a gangsta gangsta too." so we head bacc to my casa, he eats his plate of food, which is randomly missing a piece of chicken [idk how that happened] && i eat my banana cream pie blizzard from dairy queen. time for a guitar hero sesh !! i kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill on medium LOL. buh teej? ah, let me be the 1st to say it -- he SUCCCSSSSSSSSS! lmfao. after he gets murdered, we chill. &take photos.


TA-DAAAAA.


&that's the end of a good night.

TJ eating my dinner.

TJ's ashy middle finger.

The "Ashy M's"

i'll bee bacc.


xxxxxxBDOT

typical friday night in the hills.

. . . not much of anything.
spent the night watching Batman Returns on the PSIII with d.kirk.
i haven't seen that fuccer in like, a year. SHEESH!
i mean, it was a pretty chill night.

on another note;
i'm sicc &tired of everyone asking "why don't you go to "THIS"party tonight? . . . wtf, who still goes to parties? LOLOLOL


i'm starting to feel like an old soul.
maybe it's just cus i don't have friends anymore. hahahahaha. isn't that sad? possibly. but who cares? i don't. i'm perfectly happy sitting at home playing guitar hero on Wii with my sisters. we're movie buffs, bring me the newest DVD's on blue ray, i'll love you forever. but seriously. everytime i come home from the bay i plan to do all this nonsense. i think of all the "friends" i'm gonna see, & then none of it happens. the 1st time i came home to visit it REALLY bothered me. i only saw like 4people. but now, i really don't care at all.


living 600miles away from my family has made me appreciate them so much more. when i come home we get along so well. we spend so much time together &it's FUN.


tonight, saturday night.
i'll spend time with my BESTiE. hopefully. he wants to watch the unborn. i wanna watch NOTORiOUS. but mosdef i need some sushi in my tummy. regardless, i gotta cook dinner tonight. fried chicken, potatoes, &mac and cheese. yummm. moms in riverside for the wknd. so we have a free house.
. . . that's all for now. i'll be bacc later.


xxxxxBDOT.

a mother's walk.

tuesday at the services, i'll be speaking.
everytime i try to sit down & write a eulogy, nothing comes.
i end up crying a river of tears, &have nothing written.
my mom found the following for me;
&it suits my grandmother, perfectly.


The young mother set her foot on the path of Life. "Is the way long?" she asked. And her guide said, "Yes, and you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."

But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be bettter than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed with them in the streams, and the sun shone on them, and life was good, and the young mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."

Then night came, and storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Oh, Mother, we are not afraid for you are near, and no harm can come." And the mother said, "This is better than the brightest of days, for I have taught my children courage."

And the morning came and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary, but at all times she said to the children, "A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top, they said, "We could not have done it without you, Mother." And the mother, when she lay down that night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of difficulty. Yesterday I gave them courage, today I have given them strength."

And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth -- clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said, "Look up! Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an Everlasting Glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the months and the years, and the mother grew old, and she was small and bent. But her children were strong and tall, and walked with courage. And when the way was hard they helped their mother, and when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond the hill they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And the mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know that the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."

And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."

And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said, "We cannot see her, but she is with us. A mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."


R.I.P Grandma.
I'll love you forever, and for always.

grandma.

when i think of your name, there's a million different words that come to mind. a million memories, a million thoughts, a million feelings.

it's different this time. your passing is hurting me. it hasn't quite sunk in that i'll never be able to see your face again. it's unbelievable that i won't get to hear your voice again.

the phone call, my moms voice on the other end of the line. the fact that i was 600miles away from any member of my family. that there was no one near me that could hug me, no one around me that understood the PAIN.

the bus ride home. the 40+ people staring at the wierd girl crying. no one around me to understand that i'd just lost the woman i cherished above anyone else.

the guilt. knowing that i'd left you when you needed me. i know you didn't understand my choice. &to be honest, at the moment i don't understand it either.

these tears. they went away after the 1st night. it's like i'm walking around, living my life. in the bacc of my head, always thinking that this isn't what you're going to be doing any longer.

the way you've always taken care of me, took me to & from school, work, cosmetology. how proud you were of me. what a good girl, you always said i was. i'm not a good girl, grandma. where was your good girl when you were hurting . . .

why wasn't i there? you were ALWAYS in my thoughts. ALWAYS in my prayers. a phone call here, a card for christmas. it doesn't change the fact that i should've been there, &i wasn't.

i always knew this day was going to come.
i just didn't know it was going to be now.

my only solace is knowing you're with grandpa. did my tia give you a hug when you got there?
i know she's being nice to you. she probably thanked you for being there as support when she passed last year. my mom wants you to know how glad she was that you were there. she said you looked so little at the funeral, walking around with your cane.

oh grandma, you're the strongest woman i've ever known. i know you were just tired. i'm selfish. i'm so mad you couldn't hold on to be here with me. you promised you'd see my children! it's just too unexpected. it's too much. i can't wait for the day i get to see your beautiful face again, i love you. i know you're full of energy once again.

I LOVE YOU.